Sunday, March 17, 2013

Everything I know about life I learned from video games
  1. If you have a choice of playing life at the easy, moderate or difficult level, always play at the easiest level.
  2. Save often. That way, if you are killed or badly injured, you can always restart your life.
  3. If you see a switch anywhere, flick it; if you find a button, press it.
  4. If people are trying to kill you but you don't know where they are shooting from, just run out into the open and look around as they shoot at you. Then when you restart (see #2 above), you will know where they are.
  5. Pick up everything you can and keep it with  you.
  6. Read every book you can open.
  7. Just for fun, try shooting your friend in the head.  Probably nothing will happen, but in the worst case you can always restart (see #2 above).
  8. Always look around for ammunition, weapons, or health supplies that someone has dropped. Don't forget to look in the toilets.
  9. Don't forget to search every dead body you come across (see #8 above).
  10. If you happen to come across a strange machine that aliens left here eons ago, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out what it does and how it works (see #3 above).
  11. If you kill someone, hide his body. That way, he will never be missed.
Based on recent problems at the nuclear weapons plant Y-12, it appears that some of our security professionals haven't played enough video games.
 One [security problem] was relying on "pan-tilt-zoom" cameras that sweep back and forth, because a sophisticated adversary could learn their pattern and time an entry to avoid detection.
Actually, it seems that these Security Professionals haven't played any video games. So although they're not really very interesting or funny, let me add a couple of points that may actually be useful to these people.
  1. If you have to get by a sweeping camera or laser beam, wait till it sweeps out of the way and then run.
  2. If  #12 above doesn't work, try shooting out the camera. 
Of course, in some games shooting out the camera sets off an alarm and the bad guys start attacking you.  In the Y-12 game, however,
Some sites repair broken sensors and cameras within 24 hours; Y-12 set a window of 5 to 10 days, but that was only a goal, not a rule, the report said.
 There was no word on whether or not Y-12 stores its ammunition and first-aid equipment in the toilets.

Everything's okay now.